One advantage I have is that my senses are quite keen. I sense many things in advance. I see clearly what is going to happen. I understand how bad I am. How much I will suffer. That’s why I avoid many accidents. Even then I do not suffer! I do a lot. Everyone has to pay for mistakes. It is sometimes taken immediately or for the future. No one knows when that will happen. But it will happen. This is the law of nature. I have suffered enough for all the mistakes I have made. Learned from mistakes. I made a mistake again. I make mistakes as human beings. Many people think they are perfect. Thinks perfect. There is nothing wrong with what he has done. What he said is correct. It cannot be moved. This idea is not correct. No one is perfect in the world. This world is an imperfect place. 100% perfection cannot be expected there. Many intelligent, many powerful people make mistakes without knowing it.
I am really ready for everything. I also have a kind of pre-preparation by thinking about what might happen a year from now. Think how bad I will be! I will be fined in jail! My honor will go! We will be sentenced to death! This is where the incident happened! After that there is nothing! When something starts happening around me I let it happen, I can’t control it in the beginning. I can’t rule anyone out at the start. I don’t have that strength. So I see the facts. I do that by accepting my loss. Both are responsible for a mistake. When I realize that I am also responsible, I slowly try to come out of that mistake. I don’t want to take the mistake to a mountain height. I can tell myself I tried, I can convince myself I regret my mistakes…
In all areas of life I can say to myself that I have done more than others have done for me. I never want to be under obligation to anyone. If someone does me a favor or I take help from someone, I try to return it in some way. But it is also true that if someone does something with love, someone gives something, it is not reciprocated. I don’t even try. There are people who have no interest. To them I give myself, I am frank, I trust. I have faith in them that they will never take advantage of my weakness. He will never think of harming me in any situation of life. Like I don’t. I don’t want people who can’t see me with both eyes to be harmed. If I dislike someone, I stay away from him, avoid him.
There are people in my life to whom I can say that I am in danger, free me from danger, I can say that your words have a price, you value me as a human being and you do this work for me. I am a man content with little. I think I deserve what I get. I didn’t deserve what I couldn’t get. I got more than expected in life. Wasn’t supposed to get so much. On the other hand, if someone asks me for help, I try my best for him. I don’t hesitate to step on someone’s leg for something that will benefit someone with my little effort. I will never ask for anything in return. I am aware that there is no way he can do anything in return for me. In fact, true love can be felt. Smells like a flower. Most of the people we walk, sit, get up, associate, eat, chat with in our daily life are fake. At the end of the day we understand who is a true friend and who is not. These people will not hesitate to tear you down if they get the chance. So people are like joy to me and people are terror to me! Our life is about this contrast. Ending with the rhyme of Maruful Islam..
“The key was not in imagination
There was no mistake in the story
There was no hull in Swaplata
The melody of the sea urchin was in the music
There was no drawing in Kalkoot
There was no gap in the note
There was no turning point
Bhakta-life is engrossed in Saiji..”
Toronto 22 April 2024
