I have an illness. I can’t figure out what the disease is. The mind does not sit anywhere. Can’t settle anywhere. fickle mind Nowhere feels good for long. Don’t like Toronto, don’t like Dhaka, don’t like Barisal either. Every year I rush to Dhaka because of the book fair. I don’t even go anywhere for a single day, I don’t even hold an invitation, so I went to the book fair for a very short time.
I didn’t feel that tension. Sometimes I have traveled to Kolkata, sometimes Bangkok, sometimes Singapore, sometimes around the country after holding book fairs. When I came to Dhaka, I used to chat a lot, now that chat is not given anymore. Press Club, Bangla Academy, Gulshan Club were favorite places to hang out.
This time it didn’t happen like that. Spent most of the time at home. Barisal too. I used to roam around Barisal a lot, this time I spent both times in the secluded guest house of Barisal Club. Sometimes I went to a little house, sometimes Sadar Road Book Villa, sometimes I went and sat near the grave of my parents.
I’m sure I won’t mind going back to Toronto again. Ask yourself any questions! Why go! Again sitting in Dhaka and asking myself why come! This city is like this when! I feel lonely even in my own house. No one anywhere.
Ark, I have been feeling this way since the day Oritri started living apart. After Aritri moved to America, my emptiness increased. But don’t tell Aritri that. don’t tell anyone It is natural that boys and girls will go to their own family. I have accepted this fact. I left my mother and moved to a far country.
Or, Aritri always says, stay where you like, father. If you like the country, stay in the country, if you like America, come. But will my mind go to America for a long time! What London would like! Even I wanted to stay in Kolkata. I have also thought about making a second home in Bangkok, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur.
I know these are odd thoughts. I want to build a house in Barisal. The decision is ripe. But can go there and stay? Will sit for a long time! Is it possible to live in Dhaka! The answer to these questions is not known. I suffer from instability because I don’t know anything. I want to tell Jasmine let’s go back to the country. Jasmine will accept it! Can he keep his son and daughter! I never pressure anyone. Living without family is really difficult.
