I have been married to Ferdous for almost five years.
More importantly, he is the father of my three sons.
A situation has arisen where I cannot leave him or accept him as my husband!
I have fallen into such a strange situation that I felt extremely lucky to have received the love of my husband, father-in-law, and mother-in-law for so long, now it seems like it was all fake.
A scheme to deceive me.
My relationship with my half-educated son should never be bad.
Everyone is so kind to prevent me from leaving him.
No matter how much my father-in-law and mother-in-law say, they do not know about my ignorance.
Yet why can’t I accept it from my heart!
After thinking about it for a long time, I also saw that everything Reshmi Apu said was true.
It is true that a child can be raised without a father, but it is a very difficult fight to fight for it.
Besides, there are many differences between raising a child of a dead father and a child of a father who is alive but separated from his child.
A child of a dead father can easily say, “My father is dead,” even if he is suffering a lot.
But there is no other unfortunate person in the world like a child who sees his father alive but is deprived of his father’s love and affection.
But what should I do now, what should I do in this situation?
That doesn’t come to mind at all.
Since it is a working day, Ferdous is now in Dhaka. I didn’t talk to him again until the moment before leaving.
He asked me about it, but I didn’t answer.
Even after leaving for Dhaka, I didn’t talk to him again.
He calls all the time but I don’t answer the calls.
When I do, I give him his sons. Because I can’t find the sincerity to talk to him anymore.
I can understand how the relationship has started to loosen.
But I have to admit, it is truly a matter of luck to find a groom like Ferdous these days.
Despite being a boy of this era, he has no addiction to alcohol, gambling, cigarettes, women, or even tea.
In a word, he is what you would call a pure person.
But still, there is a rhythm missing!
Ferdous has come home again for the weekend. I haven’t spoken to him in a few days.
The man who doesn’t talk to me for even a few hours, can’t stay without seeing me.
That man has not spoken to me for almost seven days now, and it is quite clear from his sick and dirty face how he is.
At any other time, I might not have been able to control myself or I would have burst into tears seeing his face like that.
But today I know why I have no feelings for her.
Should I destroy the family I have built with my own hands and leave?
Or should I stay with this half-educated good
man?
I can’t decide anything.
Our maid, Peyara, is now sixteen years old.
Peyara studied up to class five while her mother was alive.
Later, due to poverty, she could not continue her studies.
But she is very fond of studying.
But at her age, she will not fit in with the other students in the school.
Because Peyara’s age difference with them is about six years.
Still, seeing her interest, I could not not admit her to the school.
The school authorities did not want to admit such an old girl to class six.
Still, I admitted her anyway.
Peyara takes classes two days a week and I teach her some reading at home.
I got her admitted to school about six or seven months ago.
Suddenly it occurred to me, what if Ferdous continued her studies?
If she could educate herself academically.
Then there would be no more problems between us.
If Peyara could continue her studies as a girl at this age, why couldn’t Ferdous be a man?
I don’t want to talk!
I feel so embarrassed and inert when I talk to my husband!
Still, I said openly, “Look, whatever happens, happens. Even if I want to, neither you nor I can deny our relationship.”
Besides, we have three sons.
They also have a future.
If we mess up, they will also be ruined.
In the middle of my words, Ferdous said, “What are you telling me to do?”
I want you to start studying again.
Are you talking like a madman?
My sons will be admitted to school tomorrow, after today.
And I will study now? Impossible!
Ferdous, I don’t want my children to grow up knowing that their father is a half-educated man.
And there is nothing wrong with studying at an older age, but it is wrong to not study and write despite having enough opportunities.
Whatever you say, it is not possible for me to pick up a pen and paper again at this age.
Besides, my friends will make fun of me. Ferdous, there is no need for you to be friends with friends who will laugh at your struggle to succeed.
I won’t let that happen to me, Mina, if you have something else to say, tell me.
Ferdous is stubborn and will not study anymore.
And if he cannot improve himself by studying, then my relationship with him will not last either.
Because I cannot live with such a boy for the rest of my life.
I told Ferdous, Hmm, when you want, I am talking about something else, so listen.
You have two options in front of you, you can choose whichever you want. Option 1) Either you have to study and get an academic education.
Option 2) Or you have to leave me.
After hearing me, Ferdous sat silently without giving any answer.
I said again, Ferdous, I really need to know your answer, don’t stay silent like this, say something.
My patience is breaking, I am not getting any answer even after asking a question repeatedly!
This time I was forced to raise my voice.
Ferdous, you are not paying any attention to what I am telling you.
You have cheated me.
You should not have hidden the truth from me.
It is much more honorable to be alone than to live with an uneducated person like you.
Ferdous lost his mind and slapped me in the face!
The person who has never spoken to me after scolding me till now has raised his hand on me today! I feel like dying just thinking about it.
It is not possible for me to stay in this house for another moment.
I put some of the boys’ clothes and two of my own clothes in the bag I found in front of me and went down the street.
Everyone in the house tried to stop me, but I didn’t care.
Because accepting what Ferdous did to me today and staying with him means condoning an injustice.
It is better to be alone than that.
At least let him understand what he has gained and what he has lost in life?
