I always suffer from indecision. This is my lifelong problem. It also happens that I do the lottery with myself. Will I do the work or not, will I go or not, will I give or not? I change the plane ticket every time. There is a record of changing one or more times. I have been to Bangladesh twenty-three times in the last twenty-two years and have changed tickets each time especially on arrival. Changed twice this year when I moved in January. Head doesn’t work well when ticketing. Later I think that I can not go at that time! Various problems come forward and stand in the way. So I am always upset with myself. Not just plane tickets. For example, in the afternoon, I will come home from work and freshen up, go to Bangla Para Danforth, have tea, piano and chat. I started the car and left the garage. Suddenly I felt like I won’t go. Turn the car again and come back. I say to myself why go! What will happen if you don’t go! Many times I did not go at the last moment despite buying tickets for many events. There is a record of not going despite accepting many invitations. Also at weddings.
I once did a tour program in eight European countries. Four thousand US Dollars has been advanced. Next day flight from Toronto to London. The tour will start from London. My hand was a little sore. I made that as an excuse. I suddenly announced that I will not go. Instead of going to the tour program, I went to visit Ottawa. All the money went down. I have entered the restaurant many times. sitting at the table Looking at the menu. Almost finished ordering, suddenly came out of the restaurant. No, let’s go home. I often go to the store for shopping. I bought a pile of clothes after looking a lot. Then return again. Hey, I don’t like it! Sit at the table once a day. I say to myself that I will sit down to write today. The novel must be finished. no time But instead of writing a novel, I sit with Facebook. Never watch a movie again. Today I will sit down and watch George Clooney and Brad Pitt’s new movie Wolves. No one can stop you. But suddenly you have to make an excuse not to write. Self-deception.
I think once every day, I have been abroad for a long time. Now it’s time to go back. I have been thinking about this ever since I came to this country. will go back I have written about this at least a thousand times. Many even laugh at it. Jasmine, however, gets angry. It is said that those who go do not beat the drum. They leave. You know how long you can stay. Boys and girls, however, say, father, stay where you like. Enjoy your life. I’m tied to Jasmine. In fact, this is also an excuse. I have tried many times myself. Loneliness takes over after a month, I get sick, no one talks to me. In fact, these are also excuses. I can’t make up my mind. I miss family. I say in my mind who is who in the world. Everyone is the same. That just pulls back. How does the mind for Arkar for Oritri. Fathers speak their minds. Last night I saw in a dream that I had gone far away. Suddenly he remembered Jasmine’s words. I was ashamed to return. If not except me! Then I see you crying. I told Jasmine about the dream in the morning, Jasmine said, Stance!
Toronto, Canada
