I often want to be alone. I want to live alone. Material thoughts, houses, buildings seem very poisonous. I cannot bear the burden of great wealth. Debit credit calculation is very unbearable for me. I accept that money is needed to live well. And that too, when I had nothing, I lived handsomely. Those were happy days.
The feeling that there was not much was not created, so nothing felt bad. I never had any problem with not having many things. That was normal for that time. I want to live very lightly. Light as a feather. As I lived before. Nirbha had a life. carefree life Don’t let any unwanted news upset me when I wake up. But such is the rule of society that every day there is some struggle. fight to survive Matters of interest come to the fore. The opponent is created.
I really want to live alone. Everything will be around. I will be alone in everything. But this world is so noisy that it is difficult to live alone. There are so many conflicts of interest that one cannot dive into oneself. Many people complain about me. Wife’s complaint, brother’s sister’s complaint, friend’s complaint, relatives’ complaint. I admit that I have many flaws, limitations.
I can’t overcome these flaws even if I want to. Many of my close relatives also rejected me. My name has been deleted. Those for whom I have done a lot, have given a lot of compassion have also moved away from me. I don’t know why he went. It would be good to know. But don’t want to know. And the number of relatives who love me is not less. I really want to live alone.
My son and daughter never complain about me. Does not find errors. They support me in everything. Never ask me any stupid questions. Don’t talk about my failures. Never forced anything I couldn’t do. There is no anger. Rather, I am angry and said sorry for a long time. They feel proud of what I write. There is always agreement in every country I visit.
Their statement is to do what the father likes. They are my strength. There is always support for the father. Wants to do for father without asking for anything. So I refrain from telling them anything. I always candidly tell them my life stories. Tell me the story of the pain I can’t get. But say it as if it was something of great joy. As if there is no sadness in their minds. I don’t want to upset anyone.
I really want to live alone. I want to be alone. But I don’t know how to be alone. Various events around are involved in Ashta surface so it becomes impossible to be alone. Maya thing is very bad, it burns. Maya does not leave behind. Maya for children, Maya for wife, brothers and sisters, relatives, friends. So it is no longer lonely. I feel very lonely even in this living, this long life, material life.
I told Aritri on the phone that day,
I want to go somewhere.
Aritri does not understand the underlying meaning of the word. I thought I wanted to go somewhere. Aritri said,
This is only Bangkok, Singapore. come to atlanta Don’t change the ticket, father.
yes i will go
But Aritri can no longer be told that I want to live alone. All this remains only in the imagination.
