Sunday, July 21, 2024

Help your child to be confident

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Help your child to be confident

Knowingly or unknowingly we cause a lot of pain in the tender minds of children. The traces of these sufferings remain throughout life. A child who grows up with neglect or indifference from parents or close people cannot forget that suffering in his future life, cannot think of himself as normal and equal to others, cannot be happy in life due to lack of self-confidence, gradually he becomes skeptical, unhappy. A mental patient. Sometimes close people understand it, sometimes it is too late, to catch it in the eyes of others. By that time, that person becomes a burden for the family by carrying the burden of life’s helplessness, making the surrounding world miserable.

Many times parents say, ‘Raju scored ninety-five in Mathematics, why did you get sixty?’ But hearing this, your child will be caught in the ocean of happiness flying fifty feet above. Depression will fill the mind, thinking oneself, less than many. As much as he tries the numbers with his mind, he will lose interest in the numbers, he will assume, ‘I can’t’ or ‘I can’t do this.’

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I am not saying to avoid it, because in today’s competitive age, we all want our children to progress, to succeed. But I’m just saying, don’t say it like that.

Help your child reach his destination with care and love. And take it easy. Even after you help, and even after trying on your own, if your child gets a score of ninety-five, no! Is it necessary to think of it as ‘end of the world’? There are many such venerable people in the world, who have succeeded in life, have become role models for everyone; But they failed all math tests in their childhood. So, it’s good to accept that not everyone can achieve ideal results. Not just math, English, science, or history. Many people say, ‘Siam sings beautifully, why don’t you sing?’ Have you seen how beautifully your child draws pictures when he is alone? Where Siam can not! And if you can, maybe he is as caring as your child, or not an ideal child! Or, he may not be as human as your child.

I remembered that the students who always came first or second in the school during our time, today their names are not printed anywhere in golden letters. On the other hand, some people sitting in the back of the class are invited to various seminars that shake the world today, giving speeches and relaxing in five-star hotels for free, many have become talented writers, singers, actors, or scientists. So don’t break the backbone of the child’s mind by comparing it in childhood. Instead, instill confidence in him so that he feels that, ‘I can do it, I can do it too.’

Maybe not in math, but in science; Maybe not in science but in art; Maybe not in art, but your child will become a humane person, who will not leave old parents as a burden and end up in a nursing home. When your successful businessman leaves you in a nursing home in your old age, the boy who passed maths may bring you to his little cottage and make you king, because, if you can’t make him king of numbers, you have made him king of mind. When your successful businessman son doesn’t hand over a hundred taka note when the old mother doesn’t want it, you don’t know this figure, the boy who runs a family in Tenetun then budgets at the beginning of the month in a limited income family, three hundred taka per month is budgeted as mother’s ‘drinking expenses’. Tie it up. While giving the money to the wife to run the family while getting the salary, he will also hand over the food expenses to the mother without asking.

Praise the child. Maybe he doesn’t do very well in class, but he takes care of the plants by himself every day, takes off his shoes and puts them away when he gets home, pulls out his bed sheets before going to school in the morning, praise him. Encouragement for any small good deed will create a desire to do better. On the other hand, if you make a small mistake after doing a lot of good work throughout the day, many people see it as a big deal, which is not right at all. If the weight of good deeds is heavy, and he has done a few wrongs, try to correct the bad ones at another time. Maybe it will be easier if I explain with an example.

It is a huge sacrifice to wake up eight-year-old son Minar in the morning. Both the parents are late for work, Minare is also late for calling this boy. Today is a surprise! Mother calls Meena and sees Meena getting up, saying she will give a surprise, quietly getting ready alone, making her own bed, putting jam on bread in the kitchen. Suddenly, while holding up the jam jar, the child falls out of Miner’s hands, breaking the glass jar. And go where! At the same time, the mother shouted, ‘Why do you do what you can’t do? Who told you to be so drunk? Don’t I do it daily?…etc, etc’.

Now think and say,

1. Will Miner ever go to surprise her mother to do everything alone?

2. If he had to wake up with difficulty, with alarm, why would he wake up early again from tomorrow?

3. What did he get as a reward for these good deeds?

4. Can the broken jar be restored by scolding the child, breaking the child’s heart?

5. Did the child break the jar on purpose?

Note what you can do:
1. The first time you step into the kitchen and see the jar fall out of hand, break, reach first safely to the child, carefully, safely place him in a chair.
2. Then overcome his fear and approach him reassuringly and say, ‘It’s okay, you’re not hurt, are you?’

A. By doing this, your child will understand that when a mistake is made, you have to forgive, and in the future, he will also learn to forgive people.
b. He will realize that his well-being is more important to his mother than a glass jar, and
c. He will not hide anything from you. When he sees that, even if he makes a mistake, the mother has infinite love and compassion, he will not go astray like so many children on the difficult journey of the future, or even come back to you fearlessly as a friend and share everything, obeying your guidance, life again. Dependence will be given to bring it in the right direction.

3. Then when you clean up the broken glass yourself, involve him, let him help. Maybe cleaning up the broken glass with him will be a little risky, but he can pass you the broom, pass the dustpan, cover the other dishes on the table, wipe the table.

a. Your child will learn to take responsibility for his actions.
b. Feel proud to be able to help.
c. Think of yourself as efficient, useful, and kind.

Another thing, if he comes forward to help himself, hug him and give him a kiss, praise him profusely. And if it doesn’t come on its own, tell him nicely, ‘When you go to work, it might happen once or twice. Will you help me a little?’ You will see that he will be happy to help, and will feel very proud to help. In addition, he will take special care when placing the jar later.

Finally, pick up the broken glass, clean it up, tell the child again and again, ‘I’m so happy that you’re up on your own today, you’re ready. You are a very focused child, I am very proud of you, you are very helpful, and I love you very much.’

Remember one thing, don’t say ‘no’. Positively emphasize alternative ways. Repeat what you want to see more of, not the bad. The more you say, the more it will increase.

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