Sunday, April 14, 2024

Every day in a homeless house..

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When I go through that path day or night there is a kind of stirring in my body

When I go through that path, day or night, there is a kind of stirring in my body. Shiran wakes up. The legs stop. This is my birth father sleeping in the nearby grave. watching me i am walking maybe call me Jasim says Jasim. I do not remember my father’s voice! I was two years old. What do you remember at such a young age! I heard from my mother that if I cried, my father would buy me lozenges. I would be happy to have that.

I used to run and play. That day I went to Barisal for three days. I go to Barisal only once a year. When I was in the country, the rules were the same. I never let my mother know that I had gone abroad.

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That country is far away. You can’t rush if you want. But still tried to rush. I came several times when my mother was there. He is no longer needed. No one cares. Mothers do not only look out for their own interests. Mothers just wait.

Mom doesn’t know how much she has drained me. Now I have no one else to stand by me. No one is worried about illness. I have no one to speak for me. love is fugitive Now just sharing. Calculation of stain detection. Profit and loss account. I understand everything. It would be better if you don’t understand. But I don’t let anyone think I understand everything. I don’t talk to hurt anyone. This world is a complicated place. You are not always yourself.

I am becoming a little bit lonely every day! What is becoming a little bit more every day! As the days go by, I will be more and more alone. I accepted these as fate.

When I go to Barisal, my body trembles as I go through that road. The body feels heavy. I always write about mother. Because I got mother after birth. So mother covers me a lot. But my father also remained in my subconscious. The impossibly far-sighted father has left us many riches. Our family cemetery is at the entrance to the house that my father left for me.

I always think that this is my final destination. He is sleeping here. I am his younger child. The child who did not get a chance to call his father. When you go to Barisal, your own house feels strange these days. Siblings or other relatives feel unrecognizable. Go and sit in my empty room. Everything is the same as before, only mother is not there, only mother’s call, Jasim, come home soon.

Now I am going to stay in a hotel in Barisal for one or two nights. But no one now says why stay in the hotel! No one is forced! No one waits at the launch or airport! No one sleeps in the morning and stands on the balcony grill when the rickshaw will stop in front of the house! No one says stay two more days. How cruel time is. changes everything. everything I’m not so sorry about that. I know that will happen.

I know it’s meant to be. Such is life. I have no expectations from anyone. I’ve always been raised that way. like me Surrounded by loneliness and isolation. While I am gradually becoming distant from these people, becoming unknown, some people are accepting me. A mother’s caress, love is holding with affection…

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