Raisa is trying to calm herself down by chatting with Dhrubo. She sits down with a glass of cold coffee.
Dhrubo asks, “Are you in a bad mood today for some reason? Did something happen at the office?”
“Not really.”
“You can share it with me.”
“Okay, Dhrubo. What are your thoughts on a life partner?”
“What exactly do you want to know?”
“What kind of life partner do you want? And how do you envision your future life?”
Dhrubo smiles and says, “Honestly, I haven’t thought about it in that way. But everyone has some fascination with married life. I think my life partner should be very caring towards me, should understand me, and should be very pretty—so pretty that I could spend my entire life just looking at her.”
Raisa chuckles and asks, “Do you think I am that level of pretty?”
“Of course! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have proposed to you.”
“But Dhrubo, women don’t stay pretty forever. Maybe now you can spend hours looking at my face. But when we have to balance household life and work life, when we have kids, I may not have enough time to take care of myself. I won’t be as pretty then. There will be dark circles under my eyes, stress marks, and I may not even have time to comb my hair. Will you still find me beautiful then?”
Dhrubo nods and says, “These are different phases of life. I believe each phase is beautiful in its own way. You will look beautiful to me according to your age at that time.”
“And what if you don’t?”
“Listen, Raisa, you will always be beautiful in my eyes. I never see aging as something unattractive. There is a unique beauty in growing older. Don’t worry about these things. Besides, when we have kids, there will be people to help take care of them. There will be help for household chores too. You will never have to be under any extra pressure. You can live your life the way you want.”
Raisa looks at Dhrubo. He looks handsome. But for some reason, his words do not give her comfort. She just stares at him in surprise.
Dhrubo asks, “Aren’t you going to eat anything? Have you had dinner?”
“No.”
“Then why are we just sitting here without dinner?”
“I don’t feel like eating anything today.”
“Even if you don’t feel like eating, you should eat a little. It’s not good to sleep on an empty stomach.”
“I went to my mom’s today. She cooked tehari. I left without eating, and now I feel very guilty.”
Dhrubo laughs and says, “Guilty about the tehari?”
“No, I left after arguing with my mom. But now I’m suffering for it. She’s getting older. I can’t even do much for her. I visit her only occasionally, and still, I misbehave. It hurts her. I feel terrible about it.”
“Feeling guilty is the most important thing. It means you won’t repeat the mistake. Call her tonight and sincerely apologize. For now, don’t be so upset and eat something.”
After a moment of silence, Dhrubo asks, “What are your thoughts on marriage and family life, Raisa?”
Raisa is startled. It has been a long time since someone asked her such a question. The truth is, she had once thought about these things, but that chapter of her life is over. Though the beginning was beautiful, the ending was not. She still doesn’t know how she feels about her future.
After thinking for a while, she says, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.”
“How do you feel about me? Do you think I can keep you happy?”
“You haven’t gained my trust yet.”
“What? I rush to you whenever you need me. If you ask, I’ll stand here all night. I’m so dedicated to you, yet you say I haven’t earned your trust?”
Raisa sighs and says, “Can life be lived on such impulsive actions? Married life is completely different. It’s something you can’t imagine before marriage. I’ve seen that life already. You come rushing to me because you enjoy spending time with me, not because you want to make me happy.”
“You really think that, Raisa? You think I only come to you for my own benefit?”
“Yes.”
“I have never even held your hand. I always speak to you respectfully. I’ve never used any inappropriate language with you like some guys do these days. Yet, where do you see my selfishness?”
Raisa hesitates and says, “To earn trust, you have to do things that inspire trust. Everything you do seems very normal to me. But right now, I don’t need this kind of love in my life. I need a hand I can rely on. Someone I can trust blindly. Someone who will pull me up when I am shattered. Someone who will give me the courage to start a new life if I ever break down. Someone who will hold me tightly if I leave everything and become just a homemaker. If I am no longer stylish and career-oriented. Will you still have the same feelings for me then?”
Dhrubo stays silent for nearly thirty seconds and then says, “I never loved the old Raisa. The Raisa I love is confident, strong, and brilliant. She believes she is enough for herself. I love this self-assured Raisa. So why would you go back to your old self?”
“Are you scared? Confidence isn’t always constant. Ups and downs are a part of life. Just because I enjoy working today doesn’t mean I will enjoy it forever. What if I decide in two months that I don’t want to work anymore? What if I just want to focus on family? Take care of two kids, drop them at school, cook meals, prepare snacks in the evening, make dinner at night, dress up for my husband, and spend my nights putting the kids to sleep? Can you imagine that version of me? How does it sound?”
Dhrubo laughs, “Unbelievable. It sounds unbelievable to me. Would you ever want to be like that? Can’t you maintain a balance between work and family life?”
“I can. But you need a pretty wife. If I can’t always be that pretty, stylish, and career-driven wife, I am a little scared.”
“Don’t be scared. I will appreciate every version of you.”
“I don’t trust your words.”
“What more can I do to make you trust me? I’m doing everything I can. This is why people hesitate to marry divorced women.”
Raisa’s eyes widen. She forgets to blink. She never imagined Dhrubo would hit her weak spot like this.
Raisa immediately stands up. Dhrubo asks, “What happened? You’re upset over this? You kept saying you couldn’t trust me. I’ve been so desperate for you, yet you don’t trust me. Doesn’t that insult me? Doesn’t it hurt me? But I didn’t get angry.”
Raisa says, “You just said that about divorced women. That’s the first time, but if I marry you, I will hear it a thousand times. I don’t want to hear it a second time. Goodbye.”
She leaves the restaurant. Dhrubo follows her, repeatedly apologizing. He blocks her path and pleads, “I’m so sorry. I won’t say anything like that again. I didn’t mean it. But your constant doubt about me—it frustrated me.”
“I won’t talk about my experiences again. Let me go.”
“Raisa, don’t end things like this.”
“End what? Where did we even begin? There was never a relationship between us.”
“There wasn’t?”
“No, there wasn’t. If you thought there was, that was your misunderstanding. I don’t feel good about this. Let me go.”
Raisa pushes past Dhrubo, takes a rickshaw, and heads home.
At home, she overhears her mother on the phone, seemingly discussing a girl with Adnan. She suddenly feels a pang of jealousy. Later, she asks her mother, “How is your son Adnan? Have you found a bride for him?”
