I have two bad habits: indecision and restlessness. Let me talk about restlessness first. If I ever need to talk to Arko, Aritri, or Jasmin, I want to do it immediately. I can’t stand delays. Time of day doesn’t matter to me. I don’t even consider their busy schedules. They know my nature, so they usually respond quickly. If they absolutely can’t, they at least send a message: “Call you later.” Maybe they’re in an important office meeting. But they never get angry or complain.
Last year, when I was in Dhaka, I couldn’t reach Jasmin. No response on the phone, WhatsApp, or Messenger. But I needed to talk to her immediately. A thought had come to my mind, and I had to say it right away—otherwise, I’d forget. I called Aritri, but she didn’t pick up. Then I called Arko. Arko answered.
I said, “I can’t reach your mom.”
It was midnight for them. Arko had gone to bed. He has a habit of reading before sleeping. It was Friday night, so there was no rush to wake up early the next day.
A little while later, Jasmin called back, irritated. “You go completely crazy sometimes! Can’t a person even go to the washroom? You called eleven times! Are you out of your mind?”
Later, I found out that Arko had called his mom and said, “You don’t know Dad’s nature? Call him back right now!”
Just last night, at around 12:30 AM, I called Aritri.
She answered in a sleepy voice, “Hello?”
I said, “Sorry, sweetheart.”
She said, “Tell me, why are you calling?”
I said, “Check me in. It’s almost time. Make sure to get an aisle seat for all segments.”
She replied, “Dad, I saw your itinerary. My check-in time is 2:40 AM.”
I said, “Oh, okay then. You sleep. I’ll try to do it myself.”
A little while later, she sent me step-by-step instructions on WhatsApp. It was actually very easy.
Then I called Arko. I was getting impatient.
“Son, how do I get an eSIM? Send me the app link.”
Arko sent me the Airalo link. I said, “I won’t understand how to set it up.”
Arko said, “Dad, call me in the morning. I’ll explain.”
“Won’t you have office in the morning?”
“No problem. Call me around 10.”
At exactly 10 AM, I called him. Problem solved.
This restlessness isn’t just with family; I’m like this with my close friends too. They know my nature as well. But I don’t bother people I’m not very close to.
Now, about indecision. This has been a lifelong problem. I struggle with making decisions in everything. If I go to a restaurant, I can’t decide what to eat. Even after thinking a lot, I can’t finalize a menu. Sometimes, I’ve even ordered food and left without eating, just because I didn’t like what I ordered. Often, I enter a restaurant and walk out without ordering anything. I head out somewhere and then change my mind halfway—no, I won’t go. Once, I even reached someone’s house and then turned back. I’ve bought tickets but didn’t travel.
Once, I had planned a trip to Europe. Everything was ready—visa, tickets, payments all done. It was a package tour. But the day before the flight, I suddenly felt like not going. There was no reason, just a feeling. That time, I lost the money.
Right now, I’ve booked tickets for Japan. I’ll fly from Dhaka and return to Dhaka. But for the past few days, I’ve been second-guessing—should I go or not? There’s no reason not to go. I told Arko about it. Arko always gives the right advice. Until he was eighteen, I used to advise him. Now, I take his advice. Though Arko and Aritri rarely disagree with me, whether I’m right or wrong.
But this time, Arko said, “Dad, since you’ve booked the ticket, just go. You’ll enjoy it.”
Last year, I didn’t go to Vietnam even though I had the visa. Arko had said, “You won’t enjoy it alone. You’re picky about food. You’ll have problems.” So, I didn’t go.
But this time, I feel confident. Most importantly, my friend Motaleb is in Tokyo. I’m mainly going because of his invitation.
Now, the main point—I’ve traveled abroad a lot. I go whenever I get the chance. Since childhood, I’ve had a bit of a bohemian nature. I can’t stay in one place for too long. If I do, I feel restless, almost crazy. That’s why I’ve never been able to fully commit to anything. I don’t have the persistence to stick to one thing.
But I’ve always been dedicated to my family, relatives, and friendships. I couldn’t focus much on my career because of this. Not even in writing.
Yet, despite my indecisiveness and all my mistakes, I’ve also made some very good decisions in life. When I struggle to decide, I look up at the sky and pray to God for the ability to make the right choice. Or I think of my mother.
Many people write travelogues. People ask me why I don’t. Honestly, I’ve never written a proper travelogue. Yet, my love for foreign countries was born from reading them. But I always feel that if I focus on writing, I won’t fully enjoy the experience.
However, this time, I’ve decided to write about my travels. Japan is one of the best countries in the world. Both my children love Japan. So, I’ll be able to share my experience with them. It will be like seeing Japan through all three of our eyes.
Then again, knowing my indecisiveness, I may not end up writing at all.
Toronto, Canada
