I’m actually a bit shy. It always seems to me. Who am I! Why is this me! Why this birth! Why live! What is the claim of my existence! The answers to these self-questions are not easy to come by. The head looks like Bhombladash. I don’t sleep well at night. Jasmine said one day, why do you talk in your sleep! The head is bad! Bad temper! I feel a little tense. Do not know what to say in sleep! Great pain! I smiled stupidly at Jasmine’s words.
Nowadays, it often seems that the childhood me and the me now are completely different. The self of the country and the self of the foreigner are not the same. The me of Barisal and the me of Toronto are not the same. Why is the current me not the same as the childhood me? There is no similarity in thinking, there is no similarity in living, there is no similarity in economics. The only thing that is similar is pride. That is sadness. That hasn’t changed. won’t change My sense of humiliation is very strong. I can tolerate everything, but I can’t tolerate anyone insulting me, behaving unfairly, being mean to me. It eats me like a moth. Very painful!
Even then I was not humiliated in life! I have been many, I have not been rejected! I have been many. Do not be yet! be Still I am deprived, a victim of injustice. Those who disrespect me, despise me, don’t value my merit and honesty, do they know that I am loved by many people! Or maybe knowingly doing injustice to me. They want to show that it is easy to ignore. By doing this they get satisfaction. When power is in the hands of fools, they like to show their power. It is a natural human tendency. All people have to go through these things in one life. No one is happy forever. Everyone has ups and downs. Everyone’s amalnama is written. Some understand it earlier, some later.
I remember many years ago I worked under a Bengali manager. He was a little educated, small and shy type. As long as I worked he gave me as much hard time as he could. He was angry with me for no reason. He favored those who worshiped him, he could not like me because I could not worship. It was sweet in the mouth, but they did all kinds of injustice to me. He himself was dishonest and clickbait. I didn’t want any favors, I wanted fairness. A Bengali cannot tolerate another Bengali, why is it jealous! Other nations are like that! who knows I had this experience not only abroad but also in the country. Unfortunately we have to accept this. A gnat of pain just gnaws the heart.
I was once too focused on myself. I used to live according to the rules. Every morning I would drive my daughter to school, then I would walk for 30 minutes in Gulshan Park with a watch, my body would sweat. After returning home, I used to take a shower and go to the office. On the days when I could not make it in the morning, I used to park my car on Manikmia Avenue and walk to Sangsad Bhavan area on my way back from office. Had a great night’s sleep. Even after coming to Canada, that practice continued for a long time. He used to wake up in the morning. I used to get up early in the morning and do a little freehand exercise, some bending and three or four asanas to keep my body in shape. These days even if I think about it, I get tired. Thinking about going to the gym gives me a fever. But it is very necessary. Jasmine says why sit on that chair all the time!
What to do then!
I don’t see a lot of walking before.
I walk sometimes.
Don’t even go to the gym.
feels lazy
It will take You can’t do anything in life because of Alzheimer’s.
You understand that not everyone can do everything!
How much more to say these things. boring
don’t listen to him There are some failed people.
Failed by hobby.
Not at all. After coming here, my will is lost. This life is not really a life. Expectations and achievements are turned away from life.
Do not speak in the language of the book. You have come on your own. We did not want to come! There is no point in saying these things now. This country has given a lot. Don’t be ungrateful.
You can remember everything. Why I can not!
What will I do if I don’t accept it? Something will happen if you think with your head on the table!
Why are you angry? Don’t you see, no one values anyone. Everyone is the best.
I understand the value of people in the country! There is more deprivation. Know that yourself. Forgot everything! You are the one saying Jasmine will not stay in this country. Honesty has no price. There is a price for honesty in this country.
ok dad ok
Do your own work!
Who knows why so much love on the body! I don’t like someone always looking at me. It is true that once upon a time I would carefully cross the road, gracefully ascend or descend the stairs, gracefully raise the telephone to my ear, everything had an attention. Now in the morning I make a hole in the sheet and sleep. Breath and body heat accumulate inside the skin. I feel the time slowly increasing. Daylight is intense through the gaps in the screen. Get up once First turn on the phone. I see messages on Facebook with sleepy eyes.
Jasmine will say bad habits.
I make morning tea. I do this work with devotion. I have this habit after coming to Canada. Jasmine also waits for the tea in my hand. When friends or relatives come, they will say they will eat tea from Jasim Bhai’s hand.
Walking down the streets of Toronto one night, I suddenly felt like I’ve passed the good time of my life! I can’t even remember when it was a good time. Ever since I became enlightened, I have been engaged in an eternal struggle. Struggle to live, struggle to write, struggle with family, struggle for children. Will they remember how many parents sacrifice forever! What keeps in mind! It was that night, no stars, no clouds, nothing could be seen in the sky. Only a fog like smoke surrounded me. In the distance, there is the sound of a slow, sad truck, knocking, and somewhere in the darkness, the leaves of a tree are falling with dew. The fog is slightly yellowed by the faint glow of a lamp post in the distance. Why does it seem that there is no more ambition? Freedom from arrogance.
I said to Jesimon today, you know what a wonderful thing!
what
I have no place of my own in the country.
Have not arranged for accommodation. Simple.
Don’t want to be with anyone. Can’t ask anyone for anything.
Today’s thought.
I jokingly said, I will go and stay at Farmgate Over Bridge. hehehe
What a silly idea…
Toronto, Canada
