Many people have inquired about vaginismus. While there can be numerous causes of vaginismus, psychological factors are the most commonly observed.
An example would make this clearer.
Once, a man came with his wife, facing the same issue. She was unable to have intercourse. After taking a detailed history and conducting an examination, nothing significant was found. The vagina was normal and capacious. Upon hearing this, the husband said, “No ma’am, whenever I…, she contracts both her thighs so tightly that nothing can… not even a finger can penetrate. It’s not that she does it intentionally. It’s an automatic reflex. Her face turns red, she breathes rapidly, and seems to be in grave danger. It’s as if she doesn’t even recognize me.
I felt something was off. I told my husband, ‘I want to talk to her alone, please.’ The man got up and left. I also sent my chamber attendant out. Now, just the patient and I were face-to-face. Our eyes met. I said very respectfully, ‘I’ve examined you, and everything seems fine. What’s the matter? If you don’t want to say, that’s okay. There’s no pressure.’
The girl took a moment. Then, she started talking on her own. ‘Ma’am, ours was an arranged marriage. Professionally, he’s…’ (I’ll leave out the profession; a person can be bad, not the profession… the author). My entire family was overjoyed to find such a boy. I liked him very much too. In fact, there was no reason not to like him. My father is in the same profession too. He had found the best boy for me after careful consideration.
Our house was buzzing with excitement. Preparations for the wedding were in full swing. Everything was going smoothly. The cards had been printed and invitations sent out. Then, one afternoon, he arrived. He wanted to take me out. Well, not exactly out, but to choose a wedding sari. I can’t express how happy I was inside. Mom and Dad thought, ‘Let them spend some time together and get to know each other better.’ They easily gave their permission. Believe it or not, this was my first time going out alone with a boy.
Even though I was in university, I didn’t really have anyone. Anyway, on the way, he said he had urgent business at a relative’s place. He meant he had to pick up or drop off something. It wouldn’t take long. He asked me, ‘Will you come in? Or would you rather wait outside?’ It wasn’t like there was any pressure. I thought, ‘I’ll wait outside?’ So I went in.
It was a very beautiful house. There weren’t many people around. The walls were adorned with amazing paintings. I was admiring them. he went inside. After a while, a man came. I was introduced to him as his friend. He was also very friendly and thoughtful. It was the first time my sister in law had visited our house. Could she leave without having breakfast? That just couldn’t be. He went to get some breakfast. He went and went, but there was no sign of him coming back. Then he forcefully…
the lady burst into tears. He was the groom I loved so much, the one my family adored. I couldn’t stop the wedding, in fact, I didn’t even try. I thought, ‘Okay, the wedding is happening.’ But believe me, not once after the wedding could he stay with me. I don’t know how things changed so drastically. Whenever he came close to be intimate, I’d tense up. I’m so scared. I can’t forget the fear, the pain from that day. I can’t forget the disrespect. My body doesn’t accept the injustice he committed without my consent.
Every time he try to have intercourse, my body reacts this way. Then say, ‘It happened that day, why not now?’ Oh God, oh God! She thinks God is only his. Don’t I have one? Even though I didn’t want it, my God has punished him. I want to maintain a normal marital relationship, but my body doesn’t accept him. It won’t. Don’t try any medical treatment, Madam. It’s useless.
