I have been married to Ferdous for almost five years. More importantly, he is the father of my three sons. A situation has arisen where I neither can leave him nor accept him as my husband! I have found myself in such a strange situation that, for all these years, the love I received from him, my father-in-law, and my mother-in-law made me feel incredibly lucky, but now it seems that all of that was fake. It feels like a plot to trap me.
They wanted to make sure that my relationship with their half-educated son never went wrong, and that I never left him. To keep me in this situation, they all acted like good people. My father-in-law and mother-in-law may claim that they do not know the ignorance I’m dealing with, but I still can’t accept this in my heart!
On the other hand, after thinking about it carefully, I have come to realize that Roshmi Apa’s every word is true. It is possible to raise children without a father, but it requires a tough fight. Moreover, there is a big difference between raising a child with a deceased father and one with a living father who is emotionally absent. A child of a deceased father, despite all the pain, can easily say, “My father is dead.” But a child whose father is alive, yet deprived of his love and affection, has to endure a deep, unparalleled loss.
Now, what should I do in this situation? I can’t figure it out. Since it’s a working day, Ferdous is in Dhaka. I haven’t spoken to him since just before he left. He asked me a few things, but I didn’t answer. Even after he left for Dhaka, we haven’t spoken. He keeps calling, but I don’t pick up. If I do pick up, I pass the phone to the kids. I just can’t feel the warmth in my conversations with him anymore. I can clearly feel the relationship is becoming strained.
However, I must admit that in today’s world, getting a husband like Ferdous is indeed a matter of fortune. Despite being a man of this era, he has no addictions to alcohol, gambling, cigarettes, women, or even tea. He is, in every sense, a pure man. But still, there is some sort of imbalance.
Ferdous came home on the weekend. For the past few days, we haven’t spoken at all. The person who could never go a few hours without talking to me, who could never stay away from me, now seems to have been silent for almost a week, and I can tell from his sick, weary face that something is wrong. If this were any other time, seeing his condition would have broken me down in tears. But today, I just can’t seem to feel anything for him.
Should I tear apart the home I’ve built with my own hands? Or should I stay with this half-educated good man? I can’t decide anything. Our maid, Payara, is now sixteen years old. When her mother was alive, Payara studied until the fifth grade. But due to financial hardships, she couldn’t continue her studies. However, she has a great desire to study.
Considering her interest, I couldn’t stop myself from enrolling her in school, even though her age is quite advanced compared to her peers. There is almost a six-year age gap with the other students in her class. Despite that, seeing her enthusiasm, I managed to get her admitted to school.
Just about six or seven months ago, I enrolled her in school. Suddenly, it struck me—what if Ferdous could continue his studies? What if he could improve himself academically? That would solve our problems. If Payara, a girl, can continue her studies at this age, why can’t Ferdous, a grown man?
I wanted to talk to him about this, but I felt a kind of shyness and hesitation talking to my own husband. Still, I gathered my courage and said, “Look, whatever happens, happens. We can’t deny our relationship now. Besides, we have three sons, and they have a future. If we go our separate ways, their lives will be ruined.”
In the middle of my speech, Ferdous said, “What do you want me to do?”
I said, “I want you to start studying again.”
He replied, “What are you talking about? My children will soon be enrolled in school. And now I should start studying? Impossible!”
I said, “Ferdous, I don’t want our children to grow up and know that their father is an uneducated man. There’s nothing wrong with continuing your education at this age; the real mistake is not taking the opportunity when you have it.”
He said, “You can say whatever you want, but I can’t go back to school at this age. Besides, my friends will laugh at me.”
I responded, “Ferdous, you don’t need friends who will mock you for trying to improve yourself.”
He insisted that he wouldn’t study, and I told him that if he couldn’t improve himself by studying, then our relationship wouldn’t work. Because I couldn’t live with a man like him for the rest of my life.
Ferdous didn’t answer and stayed silent. I tried again, but still, he didn’t respond. My patience was running out, and I raised my voice.
“Ferdous, I’ve been talking to you, and you’re not paying any attention. You’ve deceived me. You shouldn’t have hidden the truth from me. Living with an uneducated man like you is far worse than being alone.”
In a fit of rage, Ferdous slapped me across the face. Until now, he had never spoken to me harshly, let alone hit me. Just the thought of him laying his hands on me makes me feel like I’m dying inside.
I couldn’t bear to stay another moment in that house. I packed a bag with my children’s clothes and a couple of my own and left the house. My family tried to stop me, but I didn’t listen. Because today, Ferdous did something I couldn’t accept, and staying with him would mean condoning that injustice. It’s better to be alone.
Let him realize what he has lost in life.
