I couldn’t decide which coaching center to join after getting into college. I had a fear, something like if a college student or an unmarried person taught me, I might fall in love with him. So, I would ignore such teachers. My friends would laugh a lot when they heard this. But I was adamant about my decision. After almost two or three months, I started studying under a teacher. Not only was he married, but he also had four children, Masha’Allah. His name was Saif, and he studied from CUET. After hearing everything, I agreed. Then my best friend Afrin and I started studying under him. Initially, five or six girls were studying. He had only male students for a long time. He taught at home. Since we girls couldn’t keep up with his male students initially, he taught us separately. After two or three months, he combined the boys and girls. I wasn’t happy with this. I wanted us girls to study separately. But the others wanted to study together. They said they didn’t want to study with boys from their hearts. And it was true. But according to them, the sir taught the boys very well. So, if we studied with them, we would benefit. From then on, boys and girls started studying together.
Among a group of seven or eight boys, there was one named Nirvan. I had a peculiar interest in him. There were several reasons for this. Firstly, he was his mother’s only son. He did whatever his mother told him to. Because his mother said so, he chose science. We all knew he wanted to be an engineer. Later, we found out that his mother wanted him to become a doctor. He was, in a word, a ‘mama’s boy’. So, he was preparing for medical school as per his mother’s wishes. He was very good at studies. In fact, he was a bit too intelligent.
One day, I suddenly looked at Nirvan’s hands. I noticed two things: his nails were very beautiful, trimmed neatly like a girl’s. Secondly, he was very organized. He took great care of his books and notebooks. He held his books and notebooks very gently, as if they would feel pain if he held them too tightly. His handwriting was also beautiful. The reason for my special interest in him was that I was the complete opposite of Nirvan. I wasn’t very intelligent. I had barely managed to get an A+ in my SSC exams. And in HSC, I didn’t even get that. Because I didn’t want to take a gap year, I didn’t prepare for admission. I actually wanted to get into a national university. But, listening to everyone, I took admission in a ‘B’ unit and in the English department. I had wanted to study English since childhood. In a way, my dream was fulfilled. I have a bad habit of biting my nails. So, my nails didn’t look very good. However, after seeing Nirvan’s nails, I started taking care of my own nails a little bit. I was a very disorganized person. My books and notebooks would tear within a few days of buying them. Another trait of mine was that I didn’t like neat boys very much. I used to think of them as being girly. It was a bad habit, but I considered this trait of mine as a unique quality. I always called him a ‘mama’s boy’. Others thought I was strange. I didn’t have any specific goals. I did whatever I felt like doing at that moment. I didn’t even know when my mood would change. But while studying at this sir’s house, I used to find faults in Nirvan regularly. And then I would tell Afrin. Afrin would listen but wouldn’t say anything. She had become accustomed to my habit.
I used to intensely dislike Nirban. The only reason was that he was the complete opposite of me. Oh, and we had one similarity: we both wore glasses. Since I wore glasses, naturally, I liked people who wore glasses too. But I had more differences with Nirban. That’s probably why I disliked him so much.
There was also a boy in our class whom I didn’t like. So, I would never talk to them, not even by mistake. Even my friends didn’t talk to boys at all. Actually, they were all much smarter than us. Everyone went to big government colleges in Chittagong. On the other hand, none of us girls got into a government college. We had a silent conflict with the boys. I didn’t pay any attention to it. Afrin didn’t like it either. At one point, she even wanted our sir to teach us separately. But sir didn’t do that. We all had to study together.
The last time I saw Nirvan was on the day I got my first-year results. That day, I went to Saif sir’s coaching class for the final time. Sir taught really well. But during the first-year exams, I suddenly felt like I didn’t want to study under him anymore. So, without any particular reason, I quit coaching. I went that day to pay sir his fees and tell him about my results. Nirvan and his friend Jisan were also there. The other boys didn’t come. When I told sir that I wouldn’t be coming to coaching anymore, I noticed that the two boys were more surprised than sir. But I didn’t pay any attention to it. Thus ended my journey of studying with someone I disliked for seven or eight months. Surprisingly, I felt free knowing that I would never see someone I hardly ever talked to again.
I joined a coaching center after talking to a senior at college. They taught all subjects there, including Bengali and English. This helped me cover the syllabus of all subjects simultaneously, reducing my burden. Since we didn’t have many mobile phones back then, I couldn’t stay in touch with my dear friend Afrin. Our houses were far apart, and we went to different colleges. After a long time, almost after a test exam, I met Afrin. We, two friends, talked a lot that day. From Afrin, I learned that Nirvan had changed a lot. His face had become thin, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He always remained quiet and didn’t talk unless necessary. When he came to the coaching center, he would take out his books and stare at them. Noticing this, the teacher advised Nirvan to reduce his study stress and told Nirvan’s mother to lessen the pressure on her son. Everyone assumed that Nirvan had become like this due to the stress of the HSC admission. I imagined Nirvan once, based on Afrin’s words. Then days passed. After a while, we all started to go our separate ways. After getting admission to the university, my contact with Afrin completely stopped.
I was probably in my third year at university when this happened. It was winter. Suddenly, in the afternoon, I felt really down. For some reason, I wanted to cry. A strange feeling had enveloped me. To feel better, I made a cup of coffee, wrapped myself in a blanket, and went up to the rooftop. I placed the coffee cup on the rooftop railing and closed my eyes, thinking about things. That was the first time I admitted to myself that I loved Nirvan, the person I didn’t like. I had loved him since we first met. My interest in him wasn’t because he was different. I’ve met many people who were different from me, but I didn’t feel this way about them. My feelings for Nirvan were the reason for my interest in him. But I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I felt like if I admitted it, there would be no turning back. My feelings would only grow stronger. But even after four years, my feelings for Nirvan hadn’t diminished at all. I had met three or four boys at university, but I didn’t want to talk to them a second time. I always said I disliked Nirvan. I said it to control my feelings. But when I realized it was impossible, it was too late. I didn’t know where Nirvan was or what he was doing. Afrin once told me that he was dating Jisan. Jisan was a very good friend of Nirvan’s. So, I thought of contacting Afrin, maybe I could find out about Nirvan. But then I thought, Afrin told me this three years ago. I don’t know if they’re still together. And my status doesn’t match Nirvan’s. I’m a simple girl from a middle-class, conservative family. On the other hand, Nirvan is the only son of wealthy parents. Their lifestyle is modern. I don’t match him at all. From the beginning, I assumed that Nirvan would never be mine. So, I didn’t regret it much. Sometimes I felt sad.
I used to be very aware that I would not love someone before marriage. But I fell in love after college. That too of someone who is almost impossible to find. How many years I have loved him. Five, six, seven maybe more. Until then in my life..
Hearing the Maghrib call to prayer, Inaya stopped talking. Noticed that the girls have to go home. In front of him are fresh graduates Israt, Faria and Asha.
__ Israt will be night. Mom will think. Now you go home.
Hope caught. He will not go home without hearing Ma’am’s story.
__ Well come tomorrow then I will tell you the rest.
In the midst of their conversation, a call came on Inair’s mobile. Asha’s mother called. Inaya tells him that today is a bit late for teaching. They will leave for home now. Asha agrees to go home due to the call of mother.
These three girls came to Inaya’s house and studied English. Girls don’t want to study with boy teachers. The girl took out the teacher to read. They feel like Inaya himself. Today they came to read and started talking. So he started telling his own story. But it was half an hour late. He first swept the room. Then prayed. A little later the girl’s father will come home. So put water to make tea.
He went to the girl and saw that she was playing with a soft toy. How cute is the girl. Only one and a half years old. Inaya hasn’t cut her daughter’s hair for months. So now the hair can be braided Nivedita smiled seeing her mother. Inaya’s mind was filled with this. A daughter was born after about four years of marriage. Their beloved children. He took her in his arms and started caressing her. Then the doorbell rang. Inaya went and opened the door. Nivedita was happy to see her father. Nivedita is asleep when her father leaves the house in the morning. Then a coaching, after finishing school, go to another coaching. Come at seven in the evening. The girl does not see her father all day.
Inaya made tea and sat next to Ahnaf. A cup was given to him.
Listen, I had something to say.
Ahnaf looked at Inaya’s words. The girl has a black face. Something may have happened. He came near and put his hand on Inaya’s cheek and said,
__ Is Mrs. Strange upset? Say what you say quickly.
Inaya smiled a little. Ahnaf calls her Mrs. Weird from the beginning. He patted Ahnaf’s shirt and said,
__Skip morning or afternoon coaching. It doesn’t cost us that much. And the three students I teach also earn a little. Why are you suffering so much? It hurts me to see your tired face in the evening.
Ahnaf knew that Inaya would say something like that. So he was not surprised. He looked at Nivedita. The girl is playing. He told Inaya,
__See, if I quit teaching at a coaching then my suffering will be less. We will not even have financial problems. But we have to think about the future of our daughter. I can also say that you don’t need to teach any students. Your income is not felt in the world. We are saving this for our child’s future. That’s it, don’t worry too much.
Inaya didn’t say anything else. He knows that saying anything will not help. The two of them play with Nivedita and talk about different things throughout the day. This is how their time goes. Inaya dreamed of such a happy family since she was a teenager.
After completing her Masters, Inaya took a job in a high school. There he met Ahnaf. He is three years senior to Inaira. Ahnaf is quite good as a person. All the teachers in the school like him. Inaya also respected him. One day after a year of working at the school, Ahnaf’s family sends a marriage proposal for Inaya. Ahnaf likes Inaya many teachers could catch. Inaya also understood. Ahnaf has no parents, both died in a road accident. As Ahnaf’s younger uncle pressures him for marriage, he tells him about Inaya. He likes to look for Inaya and sends a proposal. They got married with the consent of both the families. Inaya did not agree to the marriage. She only met Ahnaf in person one day before marriage. He did not want to deceive Ahnaf. So he told Ahnaf about Nirvana, the first love of his life. Ahnaf gave a sweet smile after hearing everything. And said,
__My guilt seems more than that. I had two or three loves in college. Now will you agree to marry me after knowing the truth?
After marriage, Inaya understood well that Ahnaf’s words are absolutely true. He got proof. But Ahnaf loves him very much. So for the second time she fell in love with Ahnaf. He thinks his love for Ahnaf is very deep. Inaya used to work till Nivedita was born. But after the birth of her daughter, she left the job. Ahnaf told her to give time to her daughter, she doesn’t have to work. Inaya never disobeyed Ahnaf. He quit his job. But the students of his choice requested him a lot and wanted to study at home with him. Ahnaf never agreed to it. Ahnaf never wanted to know how Inaya spends this money. He also took a job in a coaching center for the advancement of the family. There is a lot of compromise between them. So they never quarrel. In fact, if two mature people are together, it is normal that they will not quarrel unnecessarily. Sometimes they kill each other.
The next day Inair students came. Today they don’t have coaching but just come to listen to stories. They repeatedly ask Inaya to tell the story.
Inaya said,
__Then what will happen. After completing my masters I got job in your school. I met you sir. You know the rest.
Faria said,
__So ma’am what happened to your dislike Nirvana?
Inaya smiled lightly.
__Nirvana may be like itself. Do I know that?
Israt was a little upset. he said,
__Ma’am I like Rafi Bhai. But he has a relationship. I mean Rafi Bhai will not be mine. It pains me to think about it. Does it bother you for nirvana?
__Israt, it happens to almost everyone at this age. You will suffer until someone perfect comes into your life. I was suffering too. But now I am very happy.
They left after a while. Inaya felt that the girls had learned something new. He went to the room. Today was Friday. Ahnaf was at home. Was playing with Nivedita. Seeing Inaya he said,
__Mrs. Strange, going somewhere?
__No. i don’t feel good You come around from outside with Babu.
__Can’t really go?
__No. sorry
Ahnaf came to Inaya,
__ After a few days, winter is coming. Where do you plan to go?
Inaya didn’t think of going anywhere. So he said Ahnaf will go where he says.
Then Ahnaf went out with his daughter. Inaya said goodbye to them and came to the balcony. It’s mid-October now. Mild winter, and a cold wind. Inaya closed her eyes. Today, after a long time, I remember that man. Now it seems that the girls should not have heard this story. Now he feels bad himself.
He knows where Nirvana is now. He meets Nirvana once a month. After the birth of Eito Babu, they were looking for a pediatrician. A sir spoke about a doctor. He is new but very good doctor. When she went to that doctor with Babu, Inaya realized that this doctor was none other than Nirvana himself. Inaya recognizes him at first sight. But Ahnaf used to tell the doctor everything about Babu. Inaya always sat quietly.
It’s a mild winter. Babu’s head is hot since morning. Ahnaf was not at home then. Had to go to training from school. Will come around ten o’clock at night. Babu then started coughing and developed a high fever. With that he started crying profusely. Inaya could not stop crying easily. He talks to Ahnaf and agrees to take Babu to Nirvana’s chamber himself. It was past seven o’clock. Nirvana sees patients till eight o’clock Suspicious, Inaya calls the reception, asking if she can make an appointment for Inaya on emergency call. Inaya knows they won’t agree but asks Inaya to go from the other side. He was surprised, but left with Babu without thinking much.
Nirvana was surprised to see Inaya alone. he said,
__ Where is the brother? You came alone.
__He’s a bit busy.
How worried Inaya looks. So Nirvana did not say unnecessary words anymore. Checked and prescribed Nivedita’s medicine. Nothing happened. Such a fever has come for the change of season.
Finally, Nirvana said a strange thing to Inaya.
__I’m not a momma’s boy anymore Inaya.
Inaya was loving Babu. The girl is completely exhausted. But hearing such words of Nirvana, he was very surprised. He quickly looked at Nirvana. He glared at Inaya. Inaya was unprepared for this. He muttered,
__ mean? Why are you suddenly saying these things?
Nirvana smiled lightly.
__ I recognized you on the first day. I was surprised.
__oh So why did you say this?
__No, if you think I still listen to everything my mother says, that’s what I said.
Inaya doesn’t say anything. Really don’t know what to say. She is holding Babu to her chest.
__You know, I was in UK for my degree. Mother wanted me to be settled in UK. But it is not possible for me to leave Bangladesh and stay anywhere else. So I returned home. Mother had a lot of trouble with it at first. Don’t say anything now. My mother thought about who I would marry. But the girl that my mother likes is not the one that I will like.
Inaya said in surprise.
__You are not married yet?
As they were in the same class, Nirvana would be over thirty years old. Inaya could not imagine that she was still unmarried. Nirvana smiled hearing his question.
__My engagement next week. Then sometime I will get married. My favorite girl. Studying in our medical school. This is the final year.
__ good Now I come. It’s too late.
Can you go alone?
__Yes, I have a habit.
Inaya went to the door and stood. turned back and said,
__ I used to call you momma’s boy for fun. Because you had no purpose of your own. It is good to think about your own good now, but never make your mother suffer unnecessarily. Being a mother is not that easy.
Nirvana smiled lightly in return. Inaya left. He leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. There are tears in his eyes. He muttered,
__You were not mother’s choice Inaya. If I could speak for myself from then on, you would be mine today.
Inaya did not come out and take the car. She is walking with her daughter on her chest. Nivedita is sleeping with her head on her mother’s shoulder. Inaya met Afrin once after marriage. Afrin and Jisan got married. He then found out that Nirvana loved Inaya. He told this to his mother first. But he says it is never possible. He fixed the girl for nirvana. Nirvana further crumbled after Inaya stepped down from coaching. Jisan knew these things.
_Mmmmm, pain.
Nivedita showed with her hand on her forehead. Inaya kissed his forehead and said,
__Try a little mom, it will be fine.
The girl slept again. Inaya took CNG. Ahnaf’s call comes just after he comes home. He forbids Ahnaf to think. Ahnaf said that he would come soon. Nivedita is asleep. Laying him down, Inaya fixed the medicines. Then he waited for Ahnaf to arrive.
People don’t always get what they want. Allah has written Ahnaf with Inaya so no one else will get Inaya. Nirvana is taken by Inaya as an unexpected storm in her life. The retreat of the storm he left behind six years ago. He doesn’t want to hold back. That’s one of his Unpleasant pulling.
