Anwarah, who now suffers from paranoia, was once an ideal for her contemporaries. In 1971, amidst the raging war, the brave Anwarah, leaving behind five of her six children in Chittagong city, embarked on a long journey on foot, following the railway tracks, towards her ancestral village in Jessore. Some of her children were mere infants then. Braving numerous challenges, she completed the month-long journey, alone, without her husband and eldest son. The young daughter of a zamindar family, Anwarah could effortlessly adapt to any situation, demonstrating great skill. Despite not having a formal education, she skillfully raised her eldest son to become a doctor, one daughter a renowned chemist, and the others also excelled in their respective fields. Paru vividly remembers (from the many stories told by her grandparents) how during the election campaigns of the 80s and 90s, her grandmother would attentively read the newspapers and vehemently defend Ershad, going against everyone else in the house. She would often say, “You all wrongly criticize Ershad. See how much he has done!” Paru and her grandmother would often tease her for being such an ardent supporter of Ershad. Those days were golden days in Paru’s memory.
Paru felt quite fortunate because she could walk home from school every afternoon and go straight to her grandmother’s house. She was studying at St. Xavier’s School. Although the school was quite far from Paru’s house, it was very close to her grandmother’s. Every morning, when her father dropped her off at school, Paru would say, “Don’t come to pick me up in the afternoon! I’ll go to Grandma’s.” Even if her father came to pick her up, Paru would cry until she was red in the face. She didn’t want to go home. Their house didn’t have a garden like Grandma’s, no place to play in front, no friends, no Taju, no grandparents, uncles, or aunts. That’s why she had to go to Grandma’s house every day after school. Paru’s ideal woman was her grandmother, Anwar.
One day, Paru’s father got stuck in traffic and was running late. Meanwhile, Paru’s schoolmates had already started walking home from school. Knowing that her friends lived near her grandfather’s house, Paru joined them without a second thought.
Paru’s father was extremely worried when he reached school and couldn’t find her. However, Paru, being only 6 or 7 years old, wasn’t aware of her father’s anxiety. She was happily walking with her friends but kept looking around nervously. She was scared of kidnappers who she believed would put children in sacks and sell their kidneys. Also, there were many red cows on that road, and Paru was terrified of them.
The previous year, her father had bought a red cow for the sacrifice and a white goat. The goat was very friendly and had become Paru’s pet. They would play together, and the goat would even bleat in response when Paru bleated. However, when Paru tried to feed the red cow, it almost bit her hand. Since then, she had been terrified of red cows.
As soon as Paru’s grandmother saw her walking up to the house, everyone was surprised. After all, at this time, Paru was not supposed to come alone without her father. And her father was nowhere to be seen. Since it wasn’t the age of mobile phones yet, her grandfather couldn’t call her father either. The elder maternal uncle mischievously asked, ‘Did you walk all by yourself? Weren’t you scared? There are so many kidnappers and red bulls on the road!’ Paru replied, ‘No, I didn’t walk on the side of the road where the red bulls were walking. I walked on the other side.’
On the one hand, Paru’s father was worried about her absence from school, and on the other hand, Paru’s grandmother, uncle, and everyone else in the house were worried. As soon as Paru entered the house, she told everyone, ‘If my father comes to pick me up, please tell him that I haven’t come. Otherwise, he will force me to go home now.’ Meanwhile, Paru’s father was inquiring with the teachers at school and had started searching for her on the road. Paru was the apple of her father’s eye. Where could she go all alone? Could something have happened to her? Had she really set off for home alone? Thinking about this, Paru’s father first went to their home. When he reached home, searched everywhere with sharp eyes, and saw that Paru was not there, he left for her grandmother’s house without telling her mother. Meanwhile, seeing her husband’s gloomy face, Paru’s mother guessed that Paru must have gone to her grandmother’s house against her father’s wishes, so he was angry.
Dad arrived at Grandpa’s place much sooner than expected. Meanwhile, with the sound of Dad’s Honda, Paru was under Grandpa’s bed. As she went under the bed, Paru repeatedly instructed everyone, ‘Remember this, okay? If Dad comes, say, “Paru hasn’t come here yet!” Or else, he’ll forcefully take me home. I have to pluck two guavas from Grandpa’s tree this afternoon. They’re ripe; I saw them yesterday.’
As soon as Dad saw Paru’s shoes at the door, he burst in, shouting and screaming.
Father: You can! Come out now, come on.
Paru: (from under the bed) I have not come to Nanubasa! Ask Nana!
Father: You didn’t come? Who is talking to me?
Paru: You ask Nana! I didn’t come
Nana: Paru has not come at all, (said to Abbu laughing).
Dad: One of your tutors will come to your house from tonight, you have to go, exams are coming up.
Paru: There are three teachers in my house. Nana, great uncle, and aunt. Only one at home! i won’t go
Father: there is a wedding invitation at night, the new dress will not be worn?
Paru felt a little worried now. After thinking for a while, he said, ‘If you come to pick me up after Maghrib prayers, I can go. By then, all my friends will have gone home after playing, and Nana and Nanu will be sitting with their prayers and newspapers, which is a boring time. And by then, the guava, jujube, and pomegranate will all be ripe. But before that, I have to play with my friends, pick pomegranates from Dalimnanu’s garden, and there are two ripe guavas in my Nana’s garden; I won’t go without finishing these things.’ Dad sighed and left. As he was leaving, he said, ‘Be ready at exactly seven in the evening. Don’t make any excuses then! And finish your homework before that as well.’
Nana called out from behind to have dinner, but in anger, Abba didn’t stop for a moment. Returning home, he told Amma everything while eating dinner.
Paru was enamored by Anwar’s numerous talents from the tender age of seven, a fascination that persisted even after she became a mother. Today, when people are impressed by Paru’s own varied skills and ask, “How do you do so much?”, Paru is instantly reminded of her grandmother. Her grandmother could do so much more! Making pickles, amla juice, beauty treatments, pitha (a type of Bengali sweet), kantha stitching, and modern cooking, the list was endless. Then her grandmother passed away. Gradually, her grandmother became more and more serious, eventually developing PTSD and then paraphrenia. People no longer believed her stories, they didn’t want to listen to her ramblings. This caused Paru a great deal of distress. So, after finishing school and college, and cutting short her friends’ hangouts, Paru would rush to see her childhood friend Anwar every day, listen attentively to her every word, give her some importance, and advocate for her grandmother to everyone. Just think, how must Anwar feel when she knows that what she is saying, she is saying because she feels or perceives it, she is not making anything up. But no one else in the world can hear it, see it, or feel it. Anwar feels very helpless at such times. This is the main symptom of paraphrenia. False memories get so ingrained in the mind that one cannot imagine it as anything but the truth. They see, hear, or feel things that do not exist in reality. Therefore, it is very important to take people suffering from this disease to a psychiatrist for proper treatment. Behavioral therapy is also crucial.
