“Don’t laugh so loudly like those spoiled girls, it looks ugly.”
Kali, with a sullen face, said to her mother, “Do you even know the classification of laughter? Bad girls laugh loudly, I suppose?”
Kali’s mother frowned but replied reluctantly, “Yes.”
Kali laughed even louder, so much so that she was about to suffocate, but still, the laughter didn’t seem to stop.
Kali’s mother was forced to leave the room. Her daughter’s defiance hurt her so much that without a moment’s hesitation, she left her daughter’s house and took a rickshaw. Her destination was her own house in Malibagh.
On such a hot afternoon, if any mother leaves her daughter’s house on an empty stomach, any daughter would be calling out for food, but not Kali. She was devouring her favorite dish of bitter gourd cooked with tiny prawns. She squeezed all the juice out of the fragrant lemon slice and mixed it well with the rice before putting it in her mouth. She felt an unusual peace.
Kali is a rather indifferent person, somewhat tough. Last week, when he heard the news of his close colleague’s mother passing away, he formally told his colleague, “Be strong, calm your mind,” and then returned to his own work. He doesn’t have any financial dealings with anyone. If someone asks him for money, he bluntly says, “My money is not for lending” and looks for someone else. He is also socially distant, not attending anyone’s birthdays or weddings. He doesn’t owe explanations to anyone, nor is he obligated to anyone except one person. Her name is Shiuli, Kali’s only five-year-old daughter. Shiuli is not his biological daughter; she is an unknown child who was left on a hospital verandah.
As the afternoon turned into evening, the sky was covered with dark, coal-black clouds, and a downpour began. Shiuli was sleeping with her face buried in a bunch of shiuli flowers. As she was braiding Shiuli’s hair, Kali fell into a reverie. She remembered Mamun. Mamun used to sleep with his face buried in her lap in the same way. They studied in the same department of the same university; everyone called them the “pair of magpies.” Kali’s sharp intellect, humble nature, beautiful singing voice, magical cooking skills, and shy demeanor had pierced Mamun’s heart like a spear. He had no power or strength to escape, nor did he try. He only found solace in bleeding. Growing up in a world of ethics and aristocracy, when Mamun hinted at love to Kali in their first year, Kali bowed her head and softly replied, “It’s not possible.”
Then came those cinematic scenes. Mamun, drenched in rain and scorched by the sun, followed Kali like a shadow, day after day, expressing his despair in letters and notes. He tried everything to get closer to Kali.
Mamun’s efforts weren’t in vain. Kali finally melted, like wax, and drifted away in the flames of love. The Kali who never ventured out without sunscreen and an umbrella was now walking aimlessly in the scorching sun, holding Mamun’s hand at noon. She broke her lifelong modesty and shyness by taking a long kiss on the lips of her lover under a rickshaw hood during a sudden shower.
When she realized that she was utterly helpless without Mamun and that even a moment’s distance from him was burning her to ashes, she left her home against everyone’s wishes and married Mamun in her second year of college, moving into his family home.
Mamun’s family welcomed Kali with great warmth. They didn’t have the courage to refuse such a humble, beautiful girl from a wealthy family.
After marriage, Kali realized she was in heaven. Spending nights in intimacy, waking up late, having a hurried breakfast, going to class hand in hand, and returning home holding hands – everything felt like being in paradise. Those who are extravagant in love, who don’t calculate, who go bankrupt in love by giving everything – only they see a strange kind of happiness, they become destitute. The cunning only calculate in love, they are frugal, they never see that strange happiness. Frugality in love means walking along the seashore, not daring to dip your feet in the sea for fear of drowning.
However, Kali, who had become destitute, drowned, drowned very deeply. Instead of following her parents’ insistence, she too became stubborn, became inattentive to her studies, her CGPA decreased, and so did her acceptance in Mamun’s family.
Mamun’s family thought that Kali’s parents would eventually accept Kali, and they would unilaterally benefit from opening an account of calculations with her family. The opposite happened, Kali’s parents didn’t even inquire about their daughter.
For Ashashot Mamun’s family, Kali gradually became a strange nuisance. Kali was hurt by their harsh words, tears would stream down her cheeks. But due to her humility and shy nature, she would accept everything with her head bowed. Instead of standing by Kali during this time, Mamun seemed to avoid her. Being a good son to his parents was more important to him than Kali’s humiliation. Kali didn’t realize then what a big mistake she had made by showing her eagerness to be an independent woman. Kali realized her mistake a little late, when she was three months pregnant.
Amidst neglect, harsh words, and intense humiliation, the news of a new life brought a new spark to Kali’s life.
One night, at the dinner table, in front of Mamun, Kali was informed of a cruel condition. Kali swallowed her food instead of chewing it, along with that harsh condition. She looked at Mamun with the eyes of a chakmak bird, expecting him to say something on her behalf. Instead of the unfair condition Mamun had imposed on Kali that day, Mamun found Kali’s cooked fish curry interesting. Mamun was very calmly picking out the fish bones. As if America had never dropped an atomic bomb on Japan, Hitler’s Holocaust was a fairy tale, and Genghis Khan was a messenger of peace. There was only peace and peace in the world, no trouble anywhere.
Her aunt’s phone call interrupted Kali’s reminiscing. Only her younger aunt kept in touch with her and rushed to her aid in times of trouble, even if Kali didn’t want it. She hesitated to ignore her aunt’s request, and sometimes couldn’t ignore it either.
As soon as Kali picked up the phone, her younger aunt said from the other end, “Come to The New York Restaurant at seven tonight. We have a plan.” Before Kali could say anything, her aunt hung up the phone. Kali smiled wryly. Her aunt knew Kali wouldn’t agree, so she hung up before she could reply.
Kali wiped her eyes and stood in front of the mirror. After seven years of divorce, she had gained a little weight, but not too much. Her waist-length hair reached her shoulders, and her face seemed etched with a certain roughness. Kali tried to force a smile. No, it was a fake smile, and it looked awful.
For the past four months, her younger aunt had requested over a hundred times to introduce her to a boy, but Kali didn’t want to. But today, Kali would go, to comfort her aunt.
Thanks to her high-ranking job at a multinational company, Kali was very conscious of time. She arrived at the restaurant with Shyuli five minutes before seven. It was a very neat restaurant, filled with soft lighting and a pleasant fragrance. As soon as she stepped inside, she saw a gentleman sitting with her aunt.
He was in his late twenties, dark-skinned, and of average height for a Bengali man. At first glance, there was nothing particularly attractive about him.
During a conversation, it was learned that the gentleman’s name is Abdul Kader, and he works as a Grade 10 officer in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He is from Gaibandha but currently resides in Dhaka with his parents.
As they sipped on their coffee, he gestured to his aunt, who then left with Shiuli. Kader seemed to have been waiting for this opportunity.
Kader said in a humble tone, “Is there anything you want to know about me?”
Taking the last sip of her coffee, Kali replied, “No, brother, I have nothing to ask. I’ve come here at my aunt’s repeated request. I have no desire to get married. My aunt may have brought you here repeatedly by telling many exaggerated lies in my name. I’m sorry for that.”
Kader was a bit taken aback by Kali’s words and fell silent for a moment. With a sad face, he said, “I told your aunt myself, as your aunt is my colleague, we used to talk about you every day. After knowing everything, I have been bothering her due to my immense interest, so that I could meet you at least once.”
Kali felt sorry for the man seeing his efforts. Looking into Kader’s eyes, Kali said, “Look, brother, I am a very lifeless person, cold and extremely self-centered. Even if I hear the news of my parents’ death, I won’t feel much pain now. I’ll cry for two days, that too at leisure, and then I’ll start living my own life again. Emotions and deep feelings are essential for any relationship. You won’t get any of that from me. Even if you have a big accident and are in the hospital, I’ll say, God bless you. I can’t sacrifice even a bit for your family or for you. I’m not interested in anyone but my daughter. Effort is essential in a relationship, and you won’t get that from me. So please stop thinking about me. If you weren’t a good person, my aunt wouldn’t have brought you here; my aunt knows people very well. I don’t want a good person’s life to be ruined. Marry someone else, be happy.”
Kader Sahib was about to say something in reply. Kali didn’t give him the chance. Taking out nine hundred taka from her vanity bag, she placed it on the table and said, “The bill will be around twelve hundred, you’ll have to give me the rest.”
Kader Sahib was a bit startled by Kali’s indifferent attitude. He couldn’t say anything. Kali quickly left the restaurant with Shiuli.
Kali has now become very busy with office work pressure and Shiuli’s school exams. Kali has chosen this robotic life of her own accord. Many of her colleagues go to bars, travel abroad with so-called friends. Kali has no interest in any of these, she feels it’s just a waste of money, time, and character.
After office, Kali came to the super shop to buy some groceries and saw Kader Sahib. Kader Sahib was looking at a katla fish, thinking about something. Kali wanted to avoid him but since Kader Sahib had already seen Kali, Kali couldn’t escape. Kader Sahib smiled broadly and said, “Please do me a favor. Will there be too many eggs in the belly of this fish? The fish with eggs tastes less and is also very expensive. Will you help me with your advice?”
Kali, after falling flat on her face with the secret talent that humans have developed to read people, is unfamiliar with that talent. Pointing Kali in the direction of that talent, Kader Sahib said in a low voice, “It wouldn’t be right to take this fish according to the price. The fish seems to be farmed and has a belly full of eggs.
There’s a koi fish being cut, it’s native. You can take that, it will taste good if you fry it in oil.
Kader Sahib stared into Kali’s eyes in amazement for a while. The woman who ignores the financial weakness of a man without any discomfort is another weakness of a man.
Kali hadn’t seen anyone look at her with such admiration and respect in a long time. She couldn’t look at Mr. Kader for too long, and under the pretext of being busy, she turned to her own shopping.
Lately, Kali had started to feel some changes within herself. While she wasn’t entirely sure if Kader was the spark that ignited this change, she often found herself thinking about him these days. Kali had become softer in her behavior and speech. She also started to miss her father a lot. Whenever she saw a father and daughter playfully interacting, she would pause. She remembered how she would cry and hug her father tightly after a severe mood swing or a grudge, and her father would place his hand on her head. Nowadays, she missed those hands of her father, and she wanted to fall at his feet, giving up all her stubbornness, which she hadn’t felt like doing even a month ago.
One day, she told her aunt on the phone that she missed her father. Her aunt asked, “Shall I tell your father to call you?”
Kali didn’t answer.
One evening, as soon as Kali returned from the office, she saw many pairs of shoes outside the door. Her heart pounded. Who had come to the house? She didn’t have to ring the bell; the door was open. As she pushed the door open and entered, Kali was taken aback to see her father. Abdul Kader, her aunt, her mother, and her father had come to her house. Although she had been in occasional contact with her mother, Kali’s father hadn’t contacted his daughter for a moment. Kali quickly composed herself. She didn’t dare look into her father’s eyes because he was her weakness. Without saying anything, she quickly walked into her room.
After a moment’s hesitation, Kali’s father could not hold onto his pride any longer. The invisible current of blood ties caused the walls of his pride to crumble, and he headed towards his daughter’s room, followed by Shiuli.
As he approached Kali, who was sitting on the bed, and placed his hand on her head, Kali began to sob. The concrete layer that had formed in her eyes and heart for so long seemed to melt away in an instant. From the drawing-room, the father and daughter’s cries could be heard. When such an old grudge suddenly breaks, it breaks with a sound like this. In an instant, the long-held resentment and pride that had been nurtured deep inside vanished as if by magic.
Holding his daughter’s hand tightly, the father said, “You made a mistake of your own will, and as a father, I also have the right to make a mistake. It’s my mistake that you’re marrying Kader. He doesn’t have a very big job, but his heart is big. He may not be handsome, but he has a personality and is not as indifferent about character as other men. I have prayed to Allah every day that you find a good companion, and it seems Allah has sent Kader for you.”
Kali felt helpless today. The strength that had been inside her for so long to say no, even if she wanted to, had suddenly disappeared. It was as if her father, Afshar Hossain, had hypnotized her and put her under his spell. Kali suddenly remembered her mother’s words. In a soft voice, Kali said, “What does Mom want?”
Afshar Hossain said in a choked voice, “Your mother has already started seeing Abdul Kader as her son.”
Kali, wiping away her tears, asked, “Shall I cook spicy chicken and thin lentil soup for you?”
Afshar Hossain, as stubborn as ever, said, “First, tell me if you agree to my proposal.”
Kali, hugging Shiuli tightly to her chest, said, “I have no curiosity about getting married or not, father. But if you want, I will. Before that, I want to talk to Mr. Kader.”
Afshar Hossain felt quite relieved to hear his daughter’s words. Leaving Shiuli in Kali’s room, he sent Abdul Kader to Kali’s room.
Kali pulled a chair and asked Abdul Kader to sit down. Both were silent. Breaking the silence, Kali said, “You are knowingly trying to deceive yourself, Mr. Kader. I found my father after a long time, and you are just a means to me to strengthen my relationship with my father, so I said yes to my father. But you still have a chance to save yourself from drowning without knowing it. You want to love me unconditionally, but I will calculate a thousand times whether I will love you or how much. In this calculation, you will get tired and want to run away. Why take a chance on yourself for nothing?”
Abdul Kader looked into Kali’s eyes and said, “You are an incredibly honest person. You don’t want to achieve anything by deceit or pretense. Despite having many opportunities, you haven’t sold yourself to anything. To say the right thing, you need courage, and you have that. And to digest the right thing, you need a whole stomach, and I have that. I want you without any expectations. I don’t believe in the theory of equality in relationships. No relationship in the world runs on equality. Be it between mother and child or husband and wife. One always has to put in more effort, has had to, and will have to. I want to give that extra, I don’t want to think about the consequences. Because I don’t have faith in that calculation, I have faith in people, in myself.”
Kali stood up and said, ‘I’ll cook for everyone. Please eat. And it was my duty to warn you, and I’ve done that. Whatever else is destined for you will happen.’
Abdul Kader merely smiled faintly in response.
Kali and Kader’s marriage took place without any pomp and show. Kali’s artificial, corporate smile gradually began to fade. She began to laugh heartily with Kader, sharing light-hearted moments with Shiuli too.
Abdul Kader became the life of their three-person household. Mother and daughter would stay up late at night, waiting for him at the dinner table, and even the independent-minded Kali became increasingly dependent on him for the smallest of things. Occasionally, she would come to her senses and ask herself, ‘Have I become dependent or lazy in Kader’s presence?’ But Kali would then lazily avoid answering the question.
Kali would wash Abdul Kader’s shirts and pants even when he didn’t ask her to, and sometimes even polish his shoes. Even when Kader gently protested, Kali wouldn’t listen. Lately, he felt restless at work, always thinking about when he could go home. Kader, too, would feel restless waiting to return home.
Abdul Kader felt a deep sense of peace. He knew people well. He realized that it was Kali who was taking the most care of their husband-wife relationship. Those who are born with immense love in their hearts cannot hide it even if they want to. That’s why people like Kali, in order to get a little glimpse of love, would not hesitate to pour out all their love without any reservations.
On the day their marriage completed seven months, as Abdul Kader was getting ready for office, Kali handed him a pregnancy kit. Abdul Kader burst into joy and pulled Kali into a tight embrace, showering her face with kisses. He said, “I love you, I love you” and picked up their daughter Shiuli, showering her with kisses too. Forgetting completely about the office, he ran outside, saying, “I’ll bring some sweets, Shiuli. You and your mother must not go to school without eating sweets.
Abdul Kader’s ecstatic reaction to Kali having something stuck in her throat made her rush to the bathroom. Turning on the tap, she began to sob uncontrollably. In that moment, the memory of the hospital that day flashed before her eyes.
Kali’s ex-husband, Mamun’s family, had cruelly given her an ultimatum: either have an abortion or go back to her parents’ house. Kali had asked Mamun’s mother in astonishment and disgust, “What harm will my child do to you?” Her mother had replied indifferently, “I’m feeding an unemployed son and his wife; I can’t take on any more pointless trouble. Let Mamun get a job, then have a child.”
Even though Kali had to take tuitions, she wanted to keep the child. But Mamun’s family didn’t agree.
When Kali had expected something different from Mamun, he had said coldly, “We can have another child later, when the time and opportunity are right. Do what your mother says. I don’t want to take on any new burdens right now.”
Kali had simply stared at him with hatred, unable to fathom how her lover had become a burden in his eyes. She felt incredibly foolish for not realizing it.
Despite trying various ways, there was no benefit. One day, gathering courage, and perhaps out of a desperate desire to save her marriage, she went to the hospital alone and had an abortion. Mamun, giving the excuse of work, didn’t even accompany Kali to the hospital. Kali, who had grown up in love, care, and under her father’s shadow, didn’t find the one for whom she had left home, even on the most tragic day of her life.
That day, the nurses in the hospital seemed to look at her with disgust. One of them even blurted out, “You have the courage to knowingly engage in an illicit relationship, but why don’t you have the courage to face an illegitimate child?”
Kali, overwhelmed with shame and humiliation, couldn’t respond. She only silently shed tears.
Kali had thought that after the abortion, just like the ending of a short story, she and Mamun would live happily ever after. But the opposite happened. After a while, Mamun’s mother started to mistreat Kali. At first, Kali endured it, but one day she protested. A family meeting was held at the dining table, and Kali didn’t let anyone off the hook that day. She answered everyone’s questions. Kali’s protest was taken as an insult by Mamun’s parents. To avenge the insult, Mamun’s father raised his hand to hit Kali. Something seemed to have possessed Kali that day, and she slapped Mamun hard across the face.
Then Kali came to her senses and realized that she no longer had the patience to tolerate the suffering in her marriage. She couldn’t go on like this anymore. The next morning, Kali left Mamun’s house, leaving everything behind.
Shiuli is knocking on the bathroom door. As soon as she turned off the tap, she heard Shiuli say, “Mom, hurry up and come out. Dad has brought so many sweets.
